We scientists are thorough, we will fare and probe and burrow,
Into anything we do not comprehend.
We are clever and resourceful; if we have to, we get forceful,
There's no limit to the money that we'll spend.

Chorus: Twenty-four miles by one short mile, and a hundred fathoms deep,
Jagged rock at the bottom of the loch, and the water's thick with peat.
The monster's shy, and shuns the sky,
And that's why we must confess:
We can't find, we can't find, we can't find, we can't find,
We can't - find, the creature in Loch Ness.

We located the Titanic, two miles deep in the Atlantic,
And we didn't know quite where that ship went down.
Well, we photographed the wreck, even down below her decks,
But those monsters in the lakes just can't be - found.

Chorus: Twenty-four miles by one short mile, and a hundred fathoms deep,
Jagged rock at the bottom of the loch, and the water's thick with peat.
We sit real still, in the damp and the chill,
And we watch without success.
We can't find, we can't find, we can't find, we can't find,
We can't - find, the creature in Loch Ness.

We have sent a craft to Mars, we have looked beyond the stars,
And a billion light-years don't stand in our way.
We sent rockets out to Saturn, and described its weather pattern,
But we still can't find that beast in Loch Lenay.

Chorus: Twenty-four miles by one short mile, and a hundred fathoms deep,
Jagged rock at the bottom of the loch, and the water's thick with peat.
We - scan the deeps, with sonar beeps,
But our soundings will attest:
We can't find, we can't find, we can't find, we can't find,
We can't - find, the creature in Loch Ness.

We have studied the Earth's core, we have mapped the ocean's floor;
We can plant precise electrodes in your brain.
We can find a single virus; splitting atoms doesn't tire us,
But we still can't find that beast in Lake Champlain.

Chorus: Twenty-four miles by one short mile, and a hundred fathoms deep,
Jagged rock at the bottom of the loch, and the water's thick with peat.
We - set out bait and our cameras wait,
But to our immense distress:
We can't find, we can't find, we can't find, we can't find,
We can't - find, the creature in Loch Ness.

We have set out traps to catch her and sent dolphins down to fetch her;
And a million tourists watch from shore and ship - Yoo-hoo!
But we still are left embarrassed, for this creature can't be harrassed,
She just glides away and gives us all the slip.

Chorus: Twenty-four miles by one short mile, and a hundred fathoms deep,
Jagged rock at the bottom of the loch, and the water's thick with peat.
Ambitious dreams of our research teams
Are touted by the press:
We can't find, we can't find, we can't find, we can't find,
We can't - find, the creature in Loch Ness.

It's a matter now of pride. We are after Nessie's hide;
And she can't escape technology for long.
Just as soon as we detect her, we will - study and dissect her,
But 'til then we watch and wait and sing our song:

Chorus: Twenty-four miles by one short mile, and a hundred fathoms deep,
Jagged rock at the bottom of the loch, and the water's thick with peat.
The monster smiles at our clumsy wiles
And we rail at her finesse:
We can't find, we can't find, we can't find, we can't find,
We can't - find, the creature in Loch Ness.

We can't find, we can't find, we can't find, we can't find,
We can't - find, the creature in Loch Ness.